Your spouse is acting odd, your gut is telling you something is just not right but you can’t figure out exactly what it is. They have become withdrawn, is going out of town on business more than ever, working late or going to the gym but their gym clothes are never dirty. You’ve suspected that perhaps there is someone else but when confronted; your spouse often gets angry and denies the possibility. You don’t have any real proof but the signs are undeniable. Listen to your gut and be on the lookout for proof and recognize the signs. The following is designed to help you determine if you have a cheating spouse and assist you in identifying the warning signs.
They need their privacy. Computers and cell phones all of a sudden are password protected. Credit card receipts are no longer kept and the bills are hidden. Things that used to be available and out in the open has suddenly become private. If you dare to ask where something is or try to gain access to the “private” stuff, you are immediately accused of being nosey, untrusting or controlling.
More time spent on the phone. If your spouse is having secret telephone conversations, if they suddenly hang up when you enter the room or take their calls outside, away from earshot, erase the call history on their cell phone, this could certainly be a sign that they are up to no good.
They are just a friend. If your spouse is spending a lot of time with this new “friend” chances are your gut is right and they are more than just friends. The new friend, in your spouse’s eyes, will likely be a good listener and empathetic to their plight. Watch out for this one, big warning sign of a cheating spouse!
“I just need some space.” The lights and sirens should be going off with this one. If they may say that they just need some time away from everything, you and the family especially, to figure things out and their head straight. It’s a good bet when they are away from you they are not alone. They are likely with someone else and trying to figure out other ways to have their freedom.
Your spouse has become much more attentive. Often times in the beginning of an affair the cheating spouse will become more attentive and kind. This change in personality is largely due to the fact that the cheating spouse is getting a full dose of guilt. It won’t last long and soon, in their own mind, will be able justify the affair.
Straight to the shower. Unless your spouse has a job where they get horribly dirty, it’s unlikely that under normal situations they immediately take a shower upon arriving home from work. This in another big warning sign! Another version of the “showering cheater” is the one that comes home from work in different clothes than when they left. You might even notice they smell of soap that you don’t have at home.
A trip to the store takes forever. If you start noticing they are “running to the store” more often than normal and the 10 minute trip now takes hours, it’s a good sign they are getting more than a pack of cigarettes.
Look at yourself. If you find that you are starting to make excuses for your spouse’s strange behavior, convincing yourself that they would never “do that”, that in itself is a sign that something is amiss.
If suspect your spouse is cheating on you, you might want do a little investigation on your own and gather some proof before you confront them. Keep track of their mileage, notice the times they leave and come home from work, if they are working overtime or required to work late all of the time, check their pay stub for the extra hours.
You may want to monitor your spouse for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on their car. Monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home. Keep a calendar and note the times, this should help you establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime. Once you have your proof, confront your spouse about what has been going on. Don’t be confrontational just try to have an adult conversation and see if you can get to the bottom of it.
No matter the outcome, one spouse is going to end up hurt and the other end up feeling betrayed. More than likely you and your cheating spouse will both end up in divorce court.