There are numerous emotions that divorce can bring about. Sadness is a big one, grief at the loss of a life that could have been. Fear is another one. You may ask yourself (though in no words) you can usually only speak this one with your heart) “With such a big change, what will come of the future?” Depression and anxiety are often key players in your emotional field of reference. You may feel lethargic, unmotivated, and heavy-chested. All of these emotions are perfectly normal, even acceptable, but a certain emotion that reigns supreme during the divorce is one that often goes unacknowledged, and that is anger.
Anger, in contrast to what many believe, is generally not the cause of a divorce. Divorce is given rise to when two people struggle and eventually fail to compromise their needs to the needs of their spouse while maintaining emotional independence and personal identity. This complicated equation is often aggravated by feelings of fear and anger, and when the divorce begins, those feelings are amplified. The common result of anger and divorce is an emotional cloud, and in the storm, anger seems to be only emotion that comes through with any clarity.
Coddling your anger, holding it close to you and shielding it from anyone who might want more than a passing glance into your psyche, is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself. In order to deal with the anger constructively, you need to let it out. It’s that simple. Fear that divorce and anger will turn into a rage and literally destroy the world is more common than it’s made out to be. The reality is, your rage will not destroy the world, but it will destroy you if it has no other place to go. A good way to deal with divorce and anger is to go to a room in your house that is safe and let the anger have its way. Draw, paint, scream, cry, rip the down from your new pillow and repaint the walls. Do whatever you need to do let your anger flow unrestricted from within you and completely reset. This way no one gets hurt, and after a bit of recovery, you can move on to your next battle.
Many people, especially those coming out of an abusive relationship, feel that anger is something they are not allowed to feel. While this is all too common, it is completely unfounded. For every emotion that your body is telling you to feel, there is something in your environment giving your body instructions, and there are numerous triggers that are pushed before, during and after divorce proceedings that give anger the upper hand. Don’t shy away from it because it doesn’t feel natural, because it is natural, just as natural as the love that you felt, and maybe still have, for the person you had decided long ago to spend the rest of your life with. Things have now changed, and for that, adaptation is required. In order to adapt, you need all of your faculties. Divorce and anger often go hand-in-hand but you can control it.