Jealousy is a very common emotion when it comes to dealing with your child spending time with your ex’s new significant other. It isn’t always jealously of the romantic nature either. Often times you’ll experience jealously from the fear that this new person is going to replace you in your child’s life. Although this is completely natural, it’s uncalled for. Your child knows who his or her parents are, and a new person coming into the picture isn’t going to alter your child’s love for you.
If you find yourself feeling jealous or emotional because of this new partner in the picture you need to assess the situation. Is this new person nice to your children? Do your children like him or her? As hard as it may be, if the answer to these questions is yes then you need to be grateful. There are many times where that isn’t the case and that’s when real problems arise. You need to step back and remind yourself that your child loves you and you will always be the parent, but you also need to accept this new person in your child’s life.
It may be difficult but let your child know that it’s okay for them to like your ex’s new partner. You need to be accepting of this new person in their life as well. When it comes time for you to start dating again it will be easier for your child to accept if they’ve already been through all of the emotions with your ex’s new relationship.
It’s important to keep in mind that your focus needs to be on your child. You may loathe your ex’s new partner, but does your child? If the new person is nice and kind to your child and makes your child feel accepted then that’s the most important thing. Instead of letting the jealousy overtake you and arguments arise try to see things from your child’s point of view.
The child is already stressed because Mommy and Daddy aren’t together anymore. Your child is probably afraid to like the new person in your ex’s life because that person isn’t you. Don’t make things harder for your child by letting them see your anger or duress. The main thing is that your child is happy. If this new person is willing to treat your child like their own then let them. Your child deserves to feel loved and accepted by everyone and if this new partner is happily given your child attention and love then be grateful that your child is being shown how special they are.
Don’t make your child feel like they have to choose a side. Whatever issues have occurred in the past or are still occurring do not concern your child. Don’t make them feel bad for liking this new partner, or talk down about your ex and his new relationship to your child. You are their parent, not their friend, and they don’t need to be involved in all the adult occurrences in your life. Don’t force your child to grow up and act like an adult just because you are lonely or upset. Let them be young. If they want to love everyone and have everyone love them then help make that wish come true.
It’s easier said than done, and you may find it impossible to say anything nice about your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend or even husband or wife, but if you absolutely cannot find it in you to say something nice then just say nothing. If your child comes home with exciting stories about how much fun he had with Dad and Kristen then share in your child’s excited. You can show your happiness and excitement for the experiences that your child has had without being negative about who those experiences were with.
Your child deserves to know that you love them and they are your absolute first priority. Do not let jealously and mixed feelings about your divorce impact the relationship that your child is trying to build. You wanted to have children, and regardless of whether or not your marriage worked out, that child has become your first priority. You need to get past your emotions about the new partner and just be grateful that your child is happy, healthy, and cared for, by everyone in their life.