In the world we live in today it’s the violence and tragedy that makes the news, so we hear all about the abduction and abandonment side of divorce and sometimes it leaves us wondering whether or not a healthy divorce is even possible. It is! Happiness and praise for those doing well don’t make the news because unfortunately, those kinds of stories just don’t sell. There are however, several signs of a healthy divorce.
Both parents are prudently involved in parenting their children. This doesn’t just mean that both parents spend time with the kids either. There is responsible and irresponsible parenting. Keeping your children out of any conflict and making sure your children know that they can count on both of you during times of happiness, as well as struggles. Children shouldn’t have to worry about not talking about one parent in front of the other, and children shouldn’t have to hear one parent speaking down about the other either. It should be a healthy happy environment for the child no matter which parent the child is with.
The adults are flexible. The adults involved have to be willing to work with each other, especially when there are children involved. If a situation arises and one parent needs help with the child, or wants an extended visit then the adults need to be able to work together to help each other. The child should always be the main focus, and petty disputes should not interfere with the child’s life or the child’s relationship with one or both parents.
Parents aren’t threatened when the child wants to spend more time with one than the other. Like the old saying goes, “Momma’s boy, daddy’s girl.” The child loves both parents equally but sometimes he or she might request some additional time with one or the other. The parents should not be offended by this or take it to heart, and the child should not be made to feel bad for desiring this extra attention. The child, growing up, will have different phases of his or her life and sometimes the child will be more comfortable being able to share these experiences with one parent or the other, not necessarily both. If a boy is starting to go through puberty then it stands to reason that he’s going to want to spend more time with his father; a role model that he knows has also gone through this before.
There are several different factors that contribute to a healthy divorce and many times these factors vary from family to family. The most important thing is, and should always be, the child. Both parents need to get along and be cordial to one another, as well as make sure the child isn’t thrown into the middle of an argument or made to feel alienated from one or both parents. If those main points can be accomplished then it’s a relatively healthy divorce. Adults also need to keep in mind that they are adults. Petty arguments, with or without children involved, are just that – petty. It’s important to remind yourself to be the bigger person and to “not sweat the small stuff.” In the end the only one that it’s doing any damage to is yourself and your happiness. The main things to consider when looking for signs of a healthy divorce is whether or not your child is happy and feels love from both parents, and to make sure that you and your ex can get along for the sake of the child. Divorce isn’t a fun thing, and there will be days of stress and duress but you have the power to control how you let those things shape you, and how they affect your happiness. For your child’s sake, be happy, and your divorce will be a healthy one.