Nancy Hetrick, ADFA™, MAFF™, AWMA®
An interesting thing happens when you go through a divorce. Things that used to seem like really big deals just don’t matter anymore. At first I was afraid that my divorce made me numb and jaded but I realized that in fact it reset my happiness set point. Let me explain.
During my 18 year marriage, there were kids, pets, houses, jobs, groceries, laundry, etc. Day in, day out, routine, expectations, sometimes even boredom. Don’t get me wrong, there was always some crisis or celebration going on but overall, just a bunch of life distractions.
Then the rug got yanked out when my ex had an affair and the marriage came to an end. I was absolutely devastated. But in the couple of years that followed, as I healed and moved on, something really interesting happened. First, I survived. At times I really wasn’t sure I would. But I did. I realized that if I could get through that, there wasn’t much that could take me down! My perspective changed. I started thinking not about when I was going to be able to take a little trip and started thinking about how I was going to become the very best version of myself I could be. I started to dream of bigger and better things knowing that if I failed, I could get back up.
I used to be pretty insecure and really concerned about what other people thought of me. Now I know that the only opinion that matters is mine and I can see the stress in other people and am filled with empathy. Feeling the depth of emotion that I did in my divorce somehow bonded me to the human race in a way I never expected. I see things at a completely different level now, a much deeper, more meaningful level. I’m compelled to have impact on those around me and lift up others that are going through trauma.
I’m daily realizing that everything happens for a reason and my divorce was an event that has propelled my personal growth and life of fulfillment. If you’re newly divorced, have faith that today really is the first day of the rest of your life and you have the power to decide what today will look like.
Seize the day!!