It’s very hard on a relationship when one spouse has suspicions that they are being cheated on. So difficult, in fact, that very few relationships can survive it. So what do you do when you fear that your partner is having an affair? Accusing and blowing things up into an argument won’t solve anything. Keeping the feelings and fears inside and letting them eat you alive isn’t the answer either. There’s also the issue of your spouse not admitting to anything anyway. How then, do you decide what to believe? Below are a few guidelines to follow when you suspect that your spouse may be cheating.
The First Signs
It would make life a lot easier if the initial signs were things like lipstick on the collar or your husband being drenched in a woman’s perfume. Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case. The first sign of a cheating spouse is often your own intuition. It’s likely that you’ll begin feeling that “something is different” long before any evidence presents itself. These signals could be blaring, like constant bad moods or an unwillingness to spend time with you anymore, or subtler, such as seemingly distant, less interest in conversation, or more time spent away from home. Of course, just because you feel that your spouse is exhibiting some of these behaviors doesn’t automatically mean that they are being unfaithful.
More than likely you are going to want to confront your spouse about your fears. Asking vague or tentative questions almost certainly guarantees you a denial, even if the spouse is guilty. Asking a direct question is a much better option, but knowing when and how to ask it is just as important. Instead of springing, “Are you cheating on me?” on your spouse, where they’re most likely going to automatically respond with a no, make sure to ask in an appropriate way. Broach the subject when you know you won’t be interrupted by any distractions. Tell him or her that you have a question and you want them to answer honestly. Let them know that the truthful answer doesn’t necessary mean the end of your relationship (assuming you’re willing to work through this), but that if you find out down the road that they lied you don’t believe your relationship could survive that. And then ask. If you feel that your spouse still isn’t giving you an honest answer, then it’s time to decide what to do next.
All relationships are built around trust. It is a huge part of the foundation that the relationship is built on. If your spouse has denied wrongdoing and yet you’re still unconvinced then this is when many people become detectives. They beginning looking through emails and call logs, distrusting any and everything that their spouse says. If the affair doesn’t ruin your marriage, then this behavior surely will. It’s at this point you have to decide what your marriage means to you. Are you willing and able to trust your spouse and believe that the truth will come out eventually? If not, then maybe now is when you need to just call it quits.