When contemplating divorce we all know that we have a difficult journey ahead. However, when your soon-to-be ex is a narcissist you’re opening a whole new can of worms. Being aware of the common mistakes people make when going through this type of divorce will help you be aware of what not to do. Knowing that a couple keys of narcissistic behavior are manipulation and lies should let you know that your divorce isn’t going to be a walk in the park. Keep in mind the following do’s and don’t’s in order to keep your divorce as amicable as possible when your spouse is a narcissist.
That Olive Branch is Breaking
In a marriage narcissists need constant love and validation from their spouse. When that marriage is being dissolved you can expect the friendliness, and definitely kindness, to go out the window. That being said, should your ex suddenly decide to show you care or compassion you should immediately be suspicious. Naivety in this situation could hurt you in the long run. It’s safest for you to view the big picture and realize that they’re probably out to get something that they know they’d be unable to with negativity or aggression.
Resist the Vacuum
No matter how hard he tries, don’t let yourself get sucked in. Narcissists are amazing actors and know what to say and how to say it in order to get people to believe them. Don’t be surprised if your ex decides to use this skill in the courtroom. It isn’t uncommon for them to lie about situations and conversations in order to elevate themselves or to tear the other person down, especially in front of an audience. Your best course of action is to disengage and inform him that your conversations will be strictly in writing and only about topics that are absolutely necessary. By refusing to engage in their mind games you are essentially taking away their power.
The Storm Still Rages
The effects of the abuse that you endured during your marriage isn’t going to go away as soon as your divorce is official. On top of that you can even expect the abuse to get worse while you’re going through the separation and divorce process. It’s likely while your reeling with all the false allegations and hate your ex is spewing, they are cool, calm, collected and meticulously planning every move. Recognizing that the abuse is ongoing during your divorce will help you to keep things in perspective and avoid making any life changing decisions out of anger or fear. Learning to self-care during this time will help you to bandage the wounds until the divorce is finalized and the real healing can begin.
Divorcing a narcissist may seem more difficult than remaining married to them. It’s important that you keep your head clear and remember that you’re freeing yourself from an abusive marriage. Following the tips above will allow you to go through the divorce with as much unneeded stress as possible.